When it comes to global warming, I think the Colorado State Patrol is to blame for their 'Heat Is On' campaign. Maybe if they would turn the heat off, it would snow a little. Thanks for ruining winter, jerks.
To the Greek Life people out in front of the Lory Student Center the other day, if you think you're so active on campus and the community maybe you should start by not trashing the Plaza with your little brochures. P.S. Top Gun sucks.
Everyone is complaining about the over-populated geese on campus. Take a shotgun and get physical. Track Rules.
Note to self: if I see a cop telling cars to go, I shouldn't walk in front of them. They don't stop!
To the girl I have loved and lost – when you find the one you are looking for, don't let them slip away like I did with you.
Dear guy sleeping by the first floor bathrooms in the library: I regret to be the one to inform you that your crack was showing for the world to see. I was going to wake you up and tell you, but you just looked so peaceful!
A short fairy tale: Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted. The end.
Chuck Norris may have good fighting skills, but he is no match for Dog the Bounty Hunter.