“Underworld: Evolution”

Jan 222006
Authors: Ryan Skeels

It seems to me if Batman was really trying to fully encompass what it is to be a veiny, nasty, flying, rat-critter, he would have gone more of the way of the vampire. Not only would he get to do sweet things like actually fly and drink petty little human blood, but he could ditch his whiny sidekick and live for an eternity with only one goal in mind: to not stop hunting until the entire werewolf population is murdered in the most gory and gruesome way possible.

The MPAA wasn't messing around by giving "Underworld: Evolution" its 'R' rating for pervasive strong violence and gore, there's more head smashing and chest tearing in this one than all the Jason movies combined.

This second chapter in the ongoing war between the vampires and the werewolves, or lycans as they're called in this case, picks up right where "Underworld" left off. The leaders of the two clans are dead, Kate Beckinsale's character Selene is still hanging around with the recently-turned lycan-hybrid Michael, and the first and most powerful vampire in the world, Marcus, is minutes away from escaping his cage. Michael is the only person left for Selene to trust, and the two of them hurry to find the secrets behind their bloodlines before a wretched and unfathomably viscous creature is set loose.

From the previews and memories of the ending of the first "Underworld," it was all I could do to cross my fingers and hope this wasn't going to be some cheap "Blade" knock-off. Apparently the magic of the fingers holds true. "Underworld: Evolution" not only surpasses any "Blade" movie you can throw at it, but makes them look like some sort of home recording of a your old elementary school stage performances. Most of these big money, action-packed, over the top Hollywood horror flicks are so ridden with cheesy lines and terrible story development it's hard to believe they do so well. Apparently Len Wiseman and Danny McBride know how to write a good story as this is actually interesting and gives you some sort of emotional attachment to the characters.

The CGI of the mutations from human to werewolf doesn't look cheesy and awkward at all like it did in the first, and look forward to Marcus and his wings, they have some serious talon/spear-like things on them that make for some pretty intense stabbing scenes.

If bad horror flicks and even worse sequels have completely turned you off from paying top dollar to catch them on the big screen, this one is at least worth sneaking into when you get out of "Cheaper by the Dozen 2." And hey, if you time it right, you may even catch the vampire/lycan shipping container sex scene.

4 out of 5 ramheads

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

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