Dec 082005

My Dearest Tom Welling (Superman from "Smallville"),Yesterday was the most magical night of my life. Not only because of your super strength, but because of your super speed. I want you, I need you, I need you more than Lucky needs his Lucky Charms…Shimmy Shimmy Cocoa Pop….Shimmy Shimmy Why???….Because I love you!

P.S. Remember to bring the strawberry syrup next time…you know what brand I like!

I just wanted to thank the gentleman who helped me up when I fell over the other night in the library. Not only did you help me up when my roommate just laughed at me, you also saved my computer from falling. Also, I'm glad that made your night.

I've noticed that all of a sudden people are using Ramtalk as their own personal dating service. Grow a pair and say hello! Or go to a bar. Don't use everyone's favorite section (after Garfield and Horoscopes) to proposition for dates. Why are we so comforted by anonymity?

Everyone says that Hanukkah starts on Christmas. This is not true. Hanukkah starts on December 25th, on the first day of Hanukkah. People who care about Hanukkah in the first place typically don't give a flip if this is also Christmas.

People with umbrellas should have special walkways. When I rule the world, people with umbrellas will have special sidewalks or be required by law to walk in the street. It's just too dangerous for those of us without umbrellas. I have a dream that one day I can walk down the street on a rainy day and not be in fear of compromising the integrity of my eyeballs.

I'm offering a 50-cent reward for the safe return of Mex the dog.

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

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