The Battle of Softness

Sep 252005
Authors: Nick Piburn

The CSU offensive linemen meet every Wednesday at a different restaurant around the city to kick back, have some laughs, and show off their other real talent – eating.

On Wednesday they invited me to go along.

I knew I wouldn't be able to sit there with these gentle giants and watch them splurge, so I splurged along with them. The stupid part was when I opened my inexperienced mouth and challenged them all to an eating contest.

The reason I did this was because this week's stop on the tour of softness was Buffalo Wild Wings, and I considered myself one of today's finest wing eaters. I no longer do.

On this evening Buffalo Wild Wings, or BW3, had 50-cent drumsticks. For those of you unfamiliar with this drumstick, it is not wing sized; it actually looks like a KFC drumstick glazed over with a wing sauce, a big drumstick.

The number was 16. If we could all eat 16 we would go from there. Sixteen seems like a tiny number, but it's really a beast of a number.

Senior Mike Brisiel downed eight sticks faster than his 40-yard dash, but he soon slowed and resorted to a basket of mini corndogs.

Clint Oldenburg wasn't in it at all, until he inhaled eight drummies. The starting right tackle finished with ten, though he probably could have eaten 12.

The two most impressive wing machines of all were freshman Richie Plunkett and junior Josh Day.

Day, the starting right guard from Aurora, was the fastest to reach ten – I had six. He never slowed, reaching 14 before anyone else was at 11. There he hit the wall of disgust, where you can't believe how full you are and your mind won't let your throat swallow what you're trying to eat.

Then the silent guzzler came out of nowhere. While Day was talking about how he made a mistake in choosing a sauce that was too hot to handle, Plunkett was suddenly in the lead with 15. I asked him what his girlfriend would think of this.

"She would probably say I'm disgusting and too fat, and I need to clean myself up," Plunkett said with a mouthful of meat and wing sauce caught in his immature goatee.

All Oldenburg could say for his disappointing showing was, "I could eat more, I just have other stuff to do tonight, but I will be impressed if you can out eat Day."

Well, out eat Day I didn't, out eat everyone else but him and Plunkett, I did.

I ended with a respectable 13, placing third, just ahead of junior Jerome Williams's and red-shirt freshman Dane Stratton's 12.

Plunkett was the only man to finish the goal 16; Day couldn't down the last one and finished second with 15.

Overall there were 147 drumsticks consumed by 13 men.

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