As the new sports editor I decided to prepare a poem about the sports world this last year through my eyes for your reading enjoyment.
I call it "Ode to the New Century's Sports"
It was the year of the roid scandal and one broken curse
There's just so much to say I don't know what should go first.
Let's give a shout out to Big Papi and the rest of the Sox
Stealing three straight from the Yanks I've got to give props
Conseco needed money so he wrote the book "Juiced"
And all of a sudden every player in the game needed an excuse.
"That cream was for arthritis!" Bonds yells at the press
Apparently flaxseed oil adds raw muscle too, I guess.
And then McGwire trying to look innocent up there, please
Big Mac you used to weigh something like 120 I believe.
And can we please draft a player to give the Rockies a lift?
Their record so far makes me want to jump off a cliff.
But enough about baseball let's talk about hoops
And take a second to please ask Kenyon Martin never to shoot.
It's been the fall of Kobe and the rise of D-Wade
Half of the guys on the Lakers I didn't even know played.
And in college UNC got Roy Williams a ring
And Sean May danced on the floor, it was a wonderful thing.
It almost made me forget about Chaney – who didn't really mean any harm
When he sent his player in to break another guy's arm.
I got a sick feeling when I saw that – you know the kind
It's like that feeling you get when Shaq goes to the line.
And when the Olympic team went out this summer and didn't win
I know Jordan was thinking about coming out of retirement again.
But in any case let's keep moving – next is pigskin
The only place where you can be 100 pounds overweight – and be thin.
Are we the Broncos or the Browns this year I can't tell?
We got their whole defensive line – who's next Art Modell?
The Pats are riding high trying to make it three in a row
But I'm sure the Eagles will have something to say with a healthy (Terrell Owens) T.O.
Alex Smith was all pumped when he got chosen as number one
He'll get beat to a pulp but I'm sure he'll have fun.
And yeah USC won the Sugar Bowl by a long shot
But in the end I thought Auburn belonged at the top.
There's the three major sports let's get through the rest
This will probably be quicker and horrible at best.
What is there to say about the Tour de Lance?
Let's give those other guys motors at least then they'll have a chance.
Hmm about hockey I don't know what to tell you
Either start watching college or move out to Russia.
When it comes to NASCAR, from the bottom of my heart
I don't know a thing so I won't even start.
Agassi, Sampras, Roddick move over
You're all in the way I can't see Kournikova.
And just when we thought Tiger couldn't win anymore
He rules another Masters – I think that makes four.
And for all you people who call horseracing your game
Let it go, it's little men riding horses – with cool names.
And now for the things that happened in sports for no reason
Like Clarett with the Broncos where I could rush for a thousand this season.
Or Artest promoting a CD to the same fans
That he went and assaulted up in the stands.
Some of these things in sports just make me shake my head
Almost makes me want to stop watching and study instead.
But really I can't complain all is well in the world
The Sox are on top, the Yanks are playing like squirrels.
Brett Okamoto is a freshman technical journalism major. He is the new sports editor.