As the year winds down, I'd like to share a few observations I've had over the course of this year at CSU. And I begin…
* I think the "Save the Children" people should change their name to one that more accurately reflects what they do, and that name is "Harass the Students." Because if we took a ratio of children saved to students harassed, I think we'd find that "Harass the Students" is a much more appropriate name.
* I'm all for saving the children. I just think trying to raise money from people who don't have any is not the best strategy.
* Does anyone else think that those furry Ugg boots make a woman look not so much like a fashion model and more like a polar bear?
* I think it's awesome that so many people allegedly go streaking here. I don't think it's awesome that no one has invited me yet.
* Whether or not Michael Jackson is guilty, you have to respect him for one thing. Only in America can a poor black man become a rich white woman.
* I'd love to be the pope. But instead of Benedict, my pope name would be Pope Rockin' Hat I
* Did anyone else nearly fall asleep listening to the interpreter at Mikhail Gorbachev's speech? I mean, Mikhail was giving it his all up there, and the interpreter sounded like he was reading the phone book.
* I think Good Charlotte is a bad name for a rock band. Good Charlotte sounds like the name of a boring English romance novel.
* Politics bore me. I think I'll start a new political party. Not the Republicans or Democrats, but the Idontgiveacraps.
* I voted for John Kerry just so I could make jokes about "President Canoe-Head."
* Sadly, he didn't win.
* Now I have to make jokes about "President Empty-Head."
* That's more offensive, but less funny.
* (Side note: President Canoe-Head would also be a great name for a rock band.)
* I wonder, with exhaustive political debate raging weekly in the Collegian and elsewhere this year, has anyone changed their views about politics because of an argument they read or heard? I doubt it. Write in and tell me if you have.
* I think it's awesome that the Collegian prints horoscopes daily. I don't think it's awesome that mine is almost never right.
* A more appropriate horoscope for me would read, "Taurus: Today you will realize what a rockin' dude you are. Then you will eat cheeseburgers."
* Gosh, would I love to be the Pope. But instead of a pope-mobile, I'd ride around in a tricked-out Chevy Impala, with "P to tha Ope!" graffiti on the side.
* Has anyone else had their proudest moment at CSU come when they got mentioned in the blotter?
* That rules.
* It's like our own episode of "COPS" every day in the paper.
* Because who hasn't seen the white-trash guys drunkenly argue with the officers on "COPS" and thought, "Why not me?"
* And finally … Pope Rockin' Hat would be such a cool name for a rock band.
Matt Hitt is a sophomore theatre major. His column runs every Monday in the Collegian.