Apr 062005
Authors: Jessica Brooke

Boys and girls are different. It's one of those fundamental things you learn as a toddler, along with your shapes and colors. For example: guys will pay girls to take their clothes off; girls will pay guys to put their clothes back on.

This phenomenon became blindingly apparent to me in high school. My best friend was "the naked guy." Every school has one, I think. Senior year, we had a Halloween party. Costumes were required, and my friend had come unprepared. He improvised by stealing a sheet off of a bed, wrapping it around himself and declaring it a toga.

As he walked downstairs, he announced that he was wearing nothing under his toga. It took 2.7 seconds for one of his buddies to rip the sheet off of him. His girlfriend had a Lhasa Apso named Boris. Poor Boris was the unfortunate victim of being in the wrong place at the wrong time and became a screen for my naked friend.

At that point, three reactions took place:

Reaction A: The guys at the party laughed and pointed.

Reaction B: My naked friend's girlfriend began screaming, "Put down my dog!" Reaction C: The girls at the party began screaming, "Don't put down the dog!"

Seeing a random naked guy is simply not on the list of priorities for most women. However, guys will fork over their hard-earned cash to a woman as long as she is nude. I'm not sure if this makes women incredibly smart for figuring out such an easy way to take advantage of men or men stupid for letting women do it.

Either way, I became fascinated with the concept of strip clubs. Are guys really so hypnotized by a naked woman dancing that they will give her the contents of their wallets and then run to an ATM to hand out the rest of their account?

I had my chance to see this phenomenon is action. When my friends and I all turned 18, we headed down to the fully nude club in Colorado Springs. I never made it through the door. Apparently they expected girls to also pay the $18 cover. My friend and I left the guys there to have what they claimed to be the "best night of their lives."

When the opportunity presented itself to visit A Hunt Club, 400 S. Link Lane, a topless bar in Fort Collins, I took it. I had heard stories of wild strippers, desperate men and everything that results from that combination. I wanted to witness this debauchery for myself.

What I found was just another bar. OK, it was a bar that had some dancers, and occasionally they would take their clothes off, but no one was really paying attention to them. There was no "back room." There were no lap dances. I didn't even see anyone getting tipped.

I felt betrayed when I left. I wanted the Bada-Bing Club from "The Sopranos," but I got "Cheers," with a couple of topless chicks. All my anticipation and curiosity were doused cruelly.

I didn't get to see any guys with goofy grins methodically handing over dollar bills. I didn't get to see the smirk on the stripper's face as she took the dollar bills. I didn't get to feel empowered by witnessing the female form basically rob men blind, but I guess there's always Vegas.

Jessica Brooke is a senior technical journalism major. She is an entertainment reporter for the Collegian.

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

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