Apr 062005
 
Authors:

In today's Main Event, sappy '80s New Wave heroes Matthew and Gunnar Nelson take on CSU basketball's star for the past few years, Matt Nelson.

Matt Nelson vs. The Nelson Twins

REASON FOR FAME:

Matt: Rapier wit, cunning good looks and a sweet little baby-hook to boot

The twins: Awful lyrics, lame, pouty looks and some overly sweet love ballads to boot.

EDGE: Matt

Matt's line beard/goatee combination alone is enough to make him famous. The rest is just gravy.

FAMOUS RELATIVES:

Matt: Um … brother. "What's Happening Now!" star Haywood Nelson (pictured below).

The twins: Dad. Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Famer Ricky Nelson.

EDGE: Matt

Doubting the relationship between Haywood and Matt? I saw it on the Internet so it has got to be true! Hey, HEY Hay-wood puts this one out of reach for the twins.

BEST PICK-UP LINE:

Matt: No big deal, I have a big freakin' tattoo, a line beard and huge feet. Whatever.

The twins: Two heads are better than one. It's double the pleasure, triple the fun.

EDGE: Twins

I've got to give this to the twins mostly because the above line from the "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" soundtrack is either laced with sexual ambiguity (doubtful) or simply makes no sense.

SARTORIAL BLUNDERS:

Matt: Green with gold BEFORE St. Patty's Day. So tacky.

The twins: Acid-washed jeans and shoulder-padded jackets AFTER 1988. So typical.

EDGE: Matt

I must say that the twins' picture on the cover of "After the Rain" is genuinely moving.

However, Matt gets the default nod because he is apparently "obligated" to wear the team's official uniform. Weird.

WORK PLACE:

Matt: Dark, dank hallways of CSU

The twins: In the shadow of a whole family of crappy musicians

EDGE: PUSH

AWESOME IS TO LAME AS:

Matt: Matt Nelson is to Andrew Bogut

The twins: AC/DC is to The Nelson Twins

EDGE: Matt

This one goes to Matt because of his years of loyal service to this fine educational

institution. Good night, sweet prince, we will miss thee.

CELEBRITY LIKENESS:

Matt: Former respected child star, Haywood Nelson.

The twins: Balki from "Perfect Strangers," and that creepy kid on MTV who wanted to look like Brad Pitt.

EDGE: Matt

I stand by my earlier assertion – there is a real likeness between those two.

So there you have it. A runaway victory for the Mad Dog over perennial lame-o's the

Nelson twins. Phony relatives and poor analogies reign supreme, and, as last time, all is

well in the house that Mad Dog built. Coming soon, the other side of the bracket will play

for a chance to meet Mad Dog in the Super-Heavyweight Finals.

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

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