– To the guy who says he played basketball overseas. He is full of it. Nobody in that rec center has played anywhere worthwhile.
– This "Sweet 16" show on MTV is the worst thing I have ever seen. Take the money from the rich and give it to the poor.
– That "I Just Wanna Live" song by Good Charlotte is the worst song ever.
– Can someone please tell me how a car can also be called a whip?
– I hate haters.
– Four words: worst dunk contest ever.
– I'm in Rockwell Hall lab right now, and I sitting next to this cute girl, and I don't remember what her name is. I can't remember if its Sara or Shannon, and I'm freaking out.
– How come there is a Vagina Monologues, but there is no Penis Monologues?
– What does PETA stand for? People for the Eating of Tasty Animals.
– Listen to me … It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, whether your white or black or a Sasquatch even. As long as you follow your dream – no matter how crazy or against the law it is- except for Sasquatch. If you're Sasquatch the rules are different.
– "I slept on Stephon Marbury's couch last night!" "Yeah, well … your mom is Stephon Marbury!"
– My favorite commercial is the one for Ford where the biker gang is afraid of going into the bar because of all of the trucks parked outside. I didn't know bikers were afraid of hicks!
– Headline: "GIRLFRIENDS REPLACED BY HALO. WORLD REJOICES."
– Hey, how about that Vincent Adams? Me and all girls are pretty much in love with him. Props.
– Only in America can driving something that you can't park, gets 8 miles to a gallon, and is much bigger than you actually use be considered "driving a real car." I'll keep my 26-miles-to-a-gallon Honda thank you very much.
– Why don't the kids stop playing in all of those cul-de-sacs?
– After watching Chris Anderson make a fool out of himself during the Slam Dunk Contest, I'm glad we traded him to New Orleans.
– What is up with those magnetic car ribbons that everyone and their dog has on their cars? Ok, fine, one is OK. The mini ones are OK, too. But don't you think having one of each kind all lined up on your car is a little extreme? Come on people, the ribbons have got to go!
– Big Gulps, huh? Well, see ya later.