Nov 032004
 
Authors: Ryan Chapman

Wednesday morning I awoke from what doctors are calling a

“politically induced coma.” Apparently, just after faxing in my

absentee ballot on Sunday afternoon, I slipped into a state of

unconsciousness brought on by an overload of politics. I am glad to

say, however, that the election is over and I am making a speedy

recovery.

For the past six months or so our society has been engaged in

the once-every-four-year tradition of electing a president to lead

our country. It’s a special time where citizens get to exercise

their basic rights, and every man, woman and child nearly drowns in

cheap yard signs.

I have noticed three aspects of everyday life that I for one

will be glad to see return to normal.

The first is television. I haven’t seen an actual television

show for a month. Every night I sit down hoping to relax and

suddenly find myself transported to a world of never-ending

political propaganda. On the news stations it’s updates from the

latest polls and on every other station it is the infamous “I

approved this message” commercials. And don’t even get me started

on MTV, where every five minutes I have to listen to Oscar the

Grouch, Yoko Ono, Vanilla Ice or some other A-list celebrity tell

me how important it is that I get out and vote. Now finally MTV can

get back to something entertaining, such as Nick Lachey scooping

dead birds out of his yard.

The second aspect of society that has been driving me nutty

lately is life right here on campus. The first time The New Voters

Project asked me if I was registered to vote I replied politely,

that yes, I was, and I felt a sense of pride that I took voting

seriously. As of Monday, however I couldn’t brush my teeth in the

morning without someone jumping out of my shower with a clipboard

and a registration form.

The once peaceful atmosphere of the Lory Student Center Plaza

was also desecrated. In the weeks leading up to the election, the

Plaza began to invoke images of the “no-mans-land” between trenches

in WWI – a place where only the bravest of students dared to

venture. If you got too distracted by the rock ‘n’ roll music being

played by the College Republicans you could easily be clubbed and

dragged away by roving bands of Bob Bacon supporters.

The final thing that will at long-last return to the days of old

is the mail system. No longer will I have to sift through

raylikestotravel.com and

petecoorsisamegamillionairewhopollutestheenvironmentonpurpose.com

fliers just to get to my precious gas bill. I also won’t have to

spend 15 minutes removing political hangers from my door knob and

front step every evening when I return home.

In general I’m just glad we can all take a deep breath and

forget about elections for a while. We can at long last stop

cutting each other off on the road because of “unfavorable” bumper

stickers and get back to the friendly driving habits of yesteryear.

We can stop quarrelling about the state of the economy at parties

and get back to playing beer-pong. Most importantly though we can

stop being Democrats and Republicans and get back to being

friends.

That is, unless you don’t like who was elected, then feel free

to continue the pandemonium of election week for the next four

years. Just don’t sneak up on me with a voter registration form or

I could go comatose. At least that’s what the doctors tell me.

Ryan Chapman is a junior business marketing major. His column

runs every other Wednesday in the Collegian.

 Posted by at 6:00 pm

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