Decent “Alamo,” Dreadful “Ten Yards”

“The Alamo”

Despite an important place in U.S. history and the famous line

of “Remember the Alamo,” the new film upon which it is based left

me with one question — why?

I thought I knew “why” for most of the film’s seemingly endless

run time, but it was at the movie’s most crucial moment when I came

to the realization that I basically just didn’t care as much as I

should.

The usual and expected cast of characters is present. A somewhat

awkwardly miscast Billy Bob Thorton portrays Davy Crocket, an

annoyingly bland Dennis Quaid plays Sam Houston and Jason Patric

plays an underused Jim Bowie. What these three actors, along with

most of the rest of the cast, contribute is an array of

unremarkable performances in a movie that demands better from their

talent.

The movie spends the majority of its time setting up the epic

battle between the Texans and the Mexicans over the

mission-turned-fort, Alamo. During this time, “The Alamo”

laboriously, yet engagingly, familiarizes us with the film’s heroes

and their task at hand. Ironically, the pre-battle section of the

movie, despite its rather slow pace, was what impressed me the

most.

Going into the movie, I had an unusual lack of expectations. I

knew its original release date of Christmas 2003 was not a good

sign, but I still went in with an open mind. Although the movie

seemed to last a lot longer than my watch would lead me to believe,

I never felt bored until the moment in the film when I least

expected to.

The film provides the most tension in its depiction of the

anticipation of battle rather than the real thing. The battle

sequences are not necessarily bad, but their lack of momentum

caused me to feel that the movie began to overstay its welcome once

they began.

“The Alamo” is both beautifully shot and scored and for a long

time I enjoyed the movie enough solely by these two attributes

alone. Unfortunately, good cinematography and music can only carry

a film so far.

I was so thankful that the film’s PG-13 rating was not the

restraining force I thought it was going to be in order for the

movie to realistically present what occurred on that famous day

back in 1836. However, for all the people who died and for all the

supposed significance of the event, the filmmakers fail to make the

actions of the characters or the episode itself seem all that

justified or honorable. There’s a great movie buried deep inside

“The Alamo,” but although the film tries and almost succeeds in

being that, the final result is simply a sort of good one.

2.5 out of 4

“The Whole Ten Yards”

An incredibly unnecessary sequel to the far-superior “The Whole

Nine Yards” finds Oz (Matthew Perry) enlisting the aid of Jimmy

“The Tulip” (Bruce Willis) and Jill (Amanda Peet) after his wife

Cynthia (Natasha Henstridge) gets kidnapped by a terribly annoying

mobster, played by Kevin Pollack.

I never laughed or felt entertained by a single minute of this

truly awful sequel. The attempts at humor are primarily of the

slapstick variety, but not a single one of them is actually funny.

And while Henstridge and Peet are pretty to look at, the PG-13

rating leaves no room for Peet to repeat her infamous, star-making

scene from the original.

1 out of 4

 

“The Alamo”

PG-13

2 hours 17 minutes

Carmike 10 and Cinemark 16

“The Whole Ten Yards”

PG-13

1 hour 39 minutes

Carmike 10, Cinemark 16, Holiday Twin Drive-In