Staying single can provide benefits

Jonpaul Kronser is living a bachelor’s life. It is a place in

life formed from independence and contentment, something he has

worked for and is happy with.

For Kronser, CSU junior anthropology major, college is a time of

self-exploration and a time to appreciate youth. Kronser, single

for nearly two years, said he is not necessarily avoiding

commitment; he’s just not searching for it.

“I’m kind of happy where I am, and it took me a while to get

here,” Kronser said. “There are so many more doors that open when

you’re single, there’s a definite loss of independence that goes

into a relationship.”

While some college students search for their other half, many

overlook the benefits of staying single. According to Ernie Chavez,

head of CSU psychology department, many times college student’s

lives are not conducive to healthy relationships.

“College students’ lives are already complicated and a

relationship further complicates things, “Chavez said. “When you’re

a college student sometimes you need to be selfish and when you’re

in a relationship you need to be able to be selfless.”

With Hollywood romanticizing the ideal relationship, Chavez says

often so much emphasis is placed on attraction that the small

differences can be overlooked between a couple.

“You know there’s a reason why Romeo and Juliet died. That

relationship could never have survived,” Chavez said. “It’s the

little things, whether you leave socks on the floor or put the

toilet seat down, that can ruin a relationship.”

Strong religious beliefs can also distance two people from being

compatible in a relationship. Kronser says any strong belief can be

detrimental to a relationship and Chavez agrees.

“You couldn’t have a ‘born-again’ Christian and an Atheist —

how could you? One of you is going to hell,” Chavez said. “Any

serious value a person has that isn’t shared can lead to trouble in

paradise.”

Some students may become discouraged with dating prospects.

Kristy Lundby has decided to take a break from relationships

because she feels like she is attracted only to men who will

eventually hurt her.

“I always want the ones who don’t really want relationships, I

am addicted to heartbreak,” Lundby said. “I’m not used to being

treated like a princess so I don’t like it that way.”

Lundby says her relationships most commonly run into trouble

when her boyfriends want to spend more time with their friends and

less with her.

“I think I just have to keep learning, I just haven’t learned

enough yet,” Lundby said. “I am going to stop looking for a

while.”

Chavez suggests that students take time to meet a lot of people

before settling down, but admits that gets complicated when sexual

desire comes into play. With daters becoming sexually active early

in a relationship they are often forced to make decisions that

their relationship is not yet prepared for.

“The minute a relationship gets sexual there is added pressure

on a relationship, and sometimes the relationship can take it,

sometimes it can’t– but it always changes,” Chavez said. “And I

don’t think there’s any such thing as causal sex; the tricky part

is learning how to date without becoming intimate so quickly.”

Although abstinence may be ideal, Chavez says that it is

impractical for many and patience can offer many benefits and avoid

many consequences when it comes to incorporating sex into a

relationship.

“People assume that if you’ve been dating someone for any length

of time that it is obviously sexual but it doesn’t have to be,”

Chavez said. “The most important sex organ is the brain, sex is a

big bang but should be taken seriously and never rushed.”

Chavez says that waiting can lead not only to protection against

STDs and relaxed development of relationship but also to better

sex.

“If guys took it more seriously I actually think it would

improve their sex life, because if their partner is satisfied she

will want to satisfy them in return,” Chavez said. “For men

foreplay starts as soon as two minutes before sex, for women

foreplay starts as soon as two people start talking. We’re sold sex

every day and it’s fun if you know what you’re doing.”

Students are left with difficult decisions facing them every

time they consider entering into a new relationship or avoiding

one.

“Relationships are hard work but can also be incredibly

gratifying,” Chavez said. “It’s just hard questions with hard

answers and there is no magic solution.”