Jonpaul Kronser is living a bachelor’s life. It is a place in
life formed from independence and contentment, something he has
worked for and is happy with.
For Kronser, CSU junior anthropology major, college is a time of
self-exploration and a time to appreciate youth. Kronser, single
for nearly two years, said he is not necessarily avoiding
commitment; he’s just not searching for it.
“I’m kind of happy where I am, and it took me a while to get
here,” Kronser said. “There are so many more doors that open when
you’re single, there’s a definite loss of independence that goes
into a relationship.”
While some college students search for their other half, many
overlook the benefits of staying single. According to Ernie Chavez,
head of CSU psychology department, many times college student’s
lives are not conducive to healthy relationships.
“College students’ lives are already complicated and a
relationship further complicates things, “Chavez said. “When you’re
a college student sometimes you need to be selfish and when you’re
in a relationship you need to be able to be selfless.”
With Hollywood romanticizing the ideal relationship, Chavez says
often so much emphasis is placed on attraction that the small
differences can be overlooked between a couple.
“You know there’s a reason why Romeo and Juliet died. That
relationship could never have survived,” Chavez said. “It’s the
little things, whether you leave socks on the floor or put the
toilet seat down, that can ruin a relationship.”
Strong religious beliefs can also distance two people from being
compatible in a relationship. Kronser says any strong belief can be
detrimental to a relationship and Chavez agrees.
“You couldn’t have a ‘born-again’ Christian and an Atheist —
how could you? One of you is going to hell,” Chavez said. “Any
serious value a person has that isn’t shared can lead to trouble in
Some students may become discouraged with dating prospects.
Kristy Lundby has decided to take a break from relationships
because she feels like she is attracted only to men who will
eventually hurt her.
“I always want the ones who don’t really want relationships, I
am addicted to heartbreak,” Lundby said. “I’m not used to being
treated like a princess so I don’t like it that way.”
Lundby says her relationships most commonly run into trouble
when her boyfriends want to spend more time with their friends and
less with her.
“I think I just have to keep learning, I just haven’t learned
enough yet,” Lundby said. “I am going to stop looking for a
Chavez suggests that students take time to meet a lot of people
before settling down, but admits that gets complicated when sexual
desire comes into play. With daters becoming sexually active early
in a relationship they are often forced to make decisions that
their relationship is not yet prepared for.
“The minute a relationship gets sexual there is added pressure
on a relationship, and sometimes the relationship can take it,
sometimes it can’t– but it always changes,” Chavez said. “And I
don’t think there’s any such thing as causal sex; the tricky part
is learning how to date without becoming intimate so quickly.”
Although abstinence may be ideal, Chavez says that it is
impractical for many and patience can offer many benefits and avoid
many consequences when it comes to incorporating sex into a
“People assume that if you’ve been dating someone for any length
of time that it is obviously sexual but it doesn’t have to be,”
Chavez said. “The most important sex organ is the brain, sex is a
big bang but should be taken seriously and never rushed.”
Chavez says that waiting can lead not only to protection against
STDs and relaxed development of relationship but also to better
“If guys took it more seriously I actually think it would
improve their sex life, because if their partner is satisfied she
will want to satisfy them in return,” Chavez said. “For men
foreplay starts as soon as two minutes before sex, for women
foreplay starts as soon as two people start talking. We’re sold sex
every day and it’s fun if you know what you’re doing.”
Students are left with difficult decisions facing them every
time they consider entering into a new relationship or avoiding
“Relationships are hard work but can also be incredibly
gratifying,” Chavez said. “It’s just hard questions with hard
answers and there is no magic solution.”