Feb 242004
 
Authors: Christiana Nelson

Amy Kubal’s doctor diagnosed her with anorexia when she was too

young to understand the meaning of the word.

“It started out innocently,” said Kubal, a 24-year-old graduate

student studying food science and nutrition. “In fifth grade they

weighed me at school and I had lost one pound since the year before

and I was like ‘geez that was easy.’

“I made my goal to weigh 80 pounds, I weighed 84, so I just said

to myself, ‘OK, no more dessert and I’ll just ride my bike more and

play outside more.’ I started cutting out more stuff and I

basically stopped eating all together.”

By the November of her sixth-grade year, Kubal was hospitalized

for anorexia, a disease of which she had no knowledge.

“When the doctor said I had anorexia I didn’t understand what

that meant,” Kubal said. “I asked my mom what it was, if it was a

disease and if we could fix it.”

After leaving the hospital in January, Kubal relapsed in the

August of her seventh-grade year.

“This time I went to an outpatient program and I just sort of

got by,” she said.

Following Kubal’s eating disorder relapse, her parents enacted

consequences that would remain throughout her high school

years.

“There were always a lot of ultimatums, they’d say, ‘If you

don’t weigh this much by this time you can’t do this.’” Kubal

said.

At Christmas that year, Kubal’s parents resorted to

force-feeding Kubal to make her eat and while she did gain weight,

by that time her eating disorder had become an obsession.

“It was like an addiction,” Kubal said. “It was like having

power, I thought ‘you can tell me what to do, where to go and how

things should be done, but you can’t tell me what to put in my

mouth.’”

The eating disorder that began when she was in junior high

school engulfed years of her life, leaving no room for friends or a

boyfriend throughout high school.

“I didn’t care about anything else,” Kubal said. “It takes over

your whole life: at night I would think about what I would eat for

breakfast, at breakfast I would think about lunch, at lunch I would

think about dinner and at dinner I would think about breakfast

again.”

At her lowest point Kubal reached 58 pounds, an incredibly

unhealthy weight for her 5-foot-2-inch frame.

“I was never fat when I started,” she said. “But I’d see myself

as fat. My legs – my legs were the things where I saw the most fat.

I was never really a judge of other people’s appearance, just of

myself.

“My mom and I would be walking through a store and I would see a

girl and say to my mom ‘why can’t I just look like that?’ she’d be

like ‘Amy, she’s normal.’ I didn’t see it that way.”

Leaving her small town of Scotland, S.D., to go to college at

CSU, Kubal’s father made her maintain 90 pounds during her entire

senior year of high school.

“I would work out six hours a day during my senior year and I

just ate carbs, no protein and no fat,” she said. “I lived off of

fruit and bagels.”

Having maintained 90 pounds during her senior year, Kubal came

to CSU for a new beginning, a place where no one knew her past and

she could make friends.

“I never planned to relapse any of the times that I did; I

wanted to start over, but right when I got to CSU I got sick

again,” she said.

By the end of her freshman year in college, Amy had dropped to a

weight between 72 and 74 pounds, and she decided she needed

help.

“One day I was walking across campus by the (Hartshorn) Health

Center and said, ‘I’m going to make an appointment. I eventually

want to get better,’” Kubal said.

She started seeing a registered dietician at Hartshorn Health

Service and made gradual progress.

“It took weeks and weeks before I could even put cheese on

pizza,” she said.

Still, Kubal continued to attend her appointments and ended her

nine-year struggle with anorexia when she was 20-years-old.

“Every time my parents would put me in the hospital or make me

eat, that saved my life because I wasn’t ready to get better,” she

said. “Ultimately, if you ever want to get better you have to want

to do it yourself.”

At age 24, Kubal is proud that she has weighed more than 100

pounds for three and a half years.

“I don’t regret anything because I think I am a lot stronger of

a person for where I’ve been,” she said. “Life’s better than it’s

ever been. I’m happy with how I look and I feel good.”

Since overcoming anorexia, Kubal has experienced many firsts in

her life, including having her first boyfriend and having a solid

base of friends – firsts that were postponed by her eating

disorder.

Laura Anderson became Kubal’s friend about a year after she

received help for her eating disorder. Throughout the two and a

half-year friendship Anderson has not only realized Kubal’s

strength, but also her continuous struggles.

“She’s just a great friend and she’s one of the most determined

people I’ve ever met,” said Anderson, a graduate student studying

food science and nutrition. “I think it’s a struggle for her every

day, she’s overcome so much and she’s very strong, but I still

watch out for her.”

Susan MacQuiddy, a psychologist at the University Counseling

Center, said what Kubal has experienced and continues to overcome

has made her a remarkable person.

“She worked really hard to get to the place she is today,”

MacQuiddy said. “I have great admiration and respect for her.”

Kubal speaks to groups and students at local schools, hoping her

story will prevent other people from developing eating

disorders.

“If I can save one person from going through what I went

through, that’s my goal in life,” Kubal said. “It is such an awful

experience. Living with an eating disorder is not living. I

wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”

 Posted by at 5:00 pm