As Christmas time comes around again this year I am reminded of
everything great that comes along with it: time with family, time
away from school and possibly scoring something you really need as
Whether it is a new snowboard, guitar or whatever you’re looking
forward to there’s no better feeling than getting it on Christmas
day. But along with the yin, we of course have the yang.
And with the great gifts there’s always the possibility of
getting those gifts that really don’t cut it. Getting any gift is
great, but these next few gifts just don’t quite fit the bill.
Ok, I’m really not sure what’s with the vicious downward cycle
that is Christmas sweater giving but it needs to be controlled.
It is only necessary to have one (one) Christmas sweater at any
given time in your life. I, like almost everybody else, received
this sweater at least four years ago.
The real wild thing is that it’s always the same person
(grandmother, uncle, etc.) buying the sweaters as gifts. Do they
think that the other one has worn out from the two times you wore
it last holiday season? Hmmmm, I have no idea.
What possesses people to give gifts such as nail clippers,
toothbrushes and razor blades? Yes, these are necessities, but
seriously I can, and do, buy these things for myself.
In fact I started buying all of these things for myself when I
If you still depend on your family or friends to buy you
toiletries than you should take a step back and ask yourself, “Am I
planning on having my mom buy my toothbrush after I graduate
college?” If you answer “yes” then please skip to the end of the
story and repeat 12th grade.
Funny noses, sex gag gifts and cans of worms should all stay on
the shelves this winter. Really, a gag gift is only cool for the
duration of the gag.
This is generally less than or equal to ten minutes.
After the ten minutes, the gift will either sit on a dusty shelf
somewhere in your closet or get lost by the end of the party. Save
your $11.50 and buy us a twelve pack. It will last longer.
Argh. What really chaps me about this gift is it’s so close to
being great. It’s like having a Susan B. Anthony coin. It’s money,
but not really. It’s supposed to be rare and some sort of low-level
collector’s item. When I was a little kid I thought getting the
bills were great.
I saved up something like $22 worth of $2 dollar bills when I
was a young and under some kind of misunderstanding that some day
these bills would appreciate. Who ever told me that when I was a
little kid should be given a serious reality check.
When I am 100-years-old, my original $22 will be worth what?
$23.35? But the worst thing is I still cannot bring myself to spend
even one of those bills.
Whether it be time away, time with loved ones or something
material it would be great if we could all get what we needed this
But do yourself and everybody else a favor and scratch the above
gifts off your list.