Holiday gift ideas to relieve the stress
The end of the semester that once seemed light years away has
now become the present. Finals loom in the near future, and this
week the Morgan Library is packed with groups meeting to
frantically put together the final project that they have had all
semester to do. Tensions are running high as everyone scrambles to
save their grades. On top of this pile of stress is an additional
stressor: the holidays. If it is not enough to have to worry about
school, you also have to think of that “perfect” gift for that
“perfect” person. That is why I have taken the time to help with
that holiday shopping. Rest assured that by the end of this column
you will have some of the most unique holiday gift ideas
imaginable.
Of course “unique” is just a polite term used to describe
products that are so useless the creators of these products should
be seriously questioned for their ability to contribute to society.
Without further ado, I bring you bad gift ideas for the 2003
holiday season.
For the sports fanatic who has everything, the Robokaddy
Titanium presents a solution to that annoying hassle of having to
carry a golf bag across the course. Promising to be the “ultimate
in ease and maneuverability on the course,” Robokaddy is the best
automated caddie on the market. Long gone are the days of
Caddyshack-like escapades resulting in hilarious antics involving
Baby Ruths. This non-human golf caddie will not talk back, will not
compete for your attention and will not laugh when your special
someone completely misses the ball. Run by remote control, the
Robokaddy prides itself on not only moving forward, but also moving
backwards; helpful in situations in which Earl starts playing the
course in the wrong direction. Also noteworthy is the ability of
the Robokaddy to reach a top speed of 7 mph, important for a fast
getaway from the beer cart attendant you just poorly tipped. At a
light 50 pounds, the golfer, obviously too lazy to carry the golf
bag around, will have no problem hauling the bag to and fro.
However, you will have to pay a pretty penny to assist the
chronically lazy. At $1,295, this golf bag can be hard on the
budget. However, it is worthwhile in the end when your loved one is
made fun of on the course by all other golfers.
The next holiday gift sure to bring tears of joy to your loved
one’s eye is the Takara Bow-Lingual. All pet owners know the
frustration of trying to decipher one bark from another.
“Fido, do you want the kibbles or the bits?”
“Arf.”
This device claims to translate these noises into useful pieces
of information describing one of six emotions: happy, sad,
frustrated, on-guard, assertive or needy. The Bow-Lingual comes in
two separate pieces, a microphone that attaches to the dog’s
collar, and a cell phone-looking device that remains with the
owner. When the dog barks, the noise is processed into one of more
than 200 useful phrases. Let us take a peak at a demonstration:
“Arf, arf.”
Translation: “I can’t believe my owner wasted money on this
worthless piece of plastic.”
Hmm, perhaps dogs are smarter than we give them credit for.
Cat-lovers, who are shaking their heads in disagreement at that
statement, do not fear. The Meow-Lingual is also available so you
can find out whether that grin across Fluffy’s face means she is
plotting her world domination or just amused by the fact you are
playing with a piece of string and a feather. This holiday season
remember that pets and their owners have needs too.
The last gift idea I bring to the table is the Prodikeys. Over
the years, many complementary items have been combined into one
solitary product: peanut butter and jelly, VCR and DVD players, the
three-color triangular highlighter. The Prodikeys is the natural
fourth party to this group, providing two keyboards in one. I know
that, personally, I cannot count the number of times I have been
sitting at my computer, typing out a report, and suddenly I am
struck with a melody. Oftentimes I have thought to myself, “Self,
if only my computer keyboard had a lower compartment that I could
rip off to reveal a piano.” Well, thanks to the makers of
Prodikeys, my dream has come true. The keyboard, or keyboards,
features a computer keyboard on the top and a piano keyboard on the
bottom. The Web site also promises easy, one-hand playability,
helpful and important to the serious musician. For a mere $100, you
could enhance the life of your favorite musician and maybe in a
couple of years you will be the reason behind the Grammy-nominated
song written one-handed, in between reports, on the Prodikeys.
This is just the tip of the iceberg of the exciting products
available for the holidays. Whether your loved one is a sports fan,
pet-lover or aspiring musician, that “perfect” gift exists
somewhere out there. OK, “perfect” is the incorrect word here.
Perhaps “useless” is more fitting. By reading this article I have
either relieved some stress, or added to it. In either case it is
time for you to go and finish that four-page essay you have yet to
start. Happy holidays!
For more information on these products:
RoboKaddy Titanium:
“http://www.golfsellersdirect.com”>www.golfsellersdirect.com
Bow-Lingual:
“http://www.takara-usa.com/bowlingual.html”>http://www.takara-usa.com/bowlingual.html
Prodikeys:
“http://www.prodikey.com”>www.prodikey.com
Pictures courtesy:
RoboKaddy:
“http://www.golfsellersdirect.com”>www.golfsellersdirect.com
Bow-Lingual:
“http://www.outpost.com”>www.outpost.com
Prodikeys:
“http://www.prodikey.com”>www.prodikey.com
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