Oct 012003
 
Authors: Danny Byers

What musician stinks most? Two distinguishing factors can

determine the answer to this question. First, we must examine their

live performance. Many musicians sound immaculate on albums but

absolutely stink on stage. Second, we must examine the actual

stench they emit. Every musician perspires under the heat of stage

lights, but there comes a point of intolerance. A point when even

the most promiscuous groupie that downed a half-pint of Jack before

the show, who will normally do anything…and anyone…will flee

from the stench coming from back stage.

Stinky-No one can resist the catchy melodies and heartfelt

lyrics of British-rockers Coldplay. And no one would dare claim

that their live performance stinks. However, Europeans generally

don’t wear deodorant; they only use perfumes and colognes. No Ralph

Lauren scent, not the entire bottle, could hide the surprise

lurking under singer Chris Martin’s armpits after playing a

sold-out concert. But at least they take showers.

Stinkier-I don’t think the members of Spoon Fed Tribe, a jam

band from north Texas, ever change clothes, shower or practice

anything involving proper hygiene. Over the summer I interviewed

the Tribe on KCSU and if I had to guess, I would say there were

easily more than 20 different species of insects crawling around in

their dreadlocks. Yeah, they play a decent live show and are chill

people, but I almost hurled on the switchboard from their raunchy

smell. Pew!

Stinkiest-I can forgive Canadian hypochondriac Avril Lavigne for

refusing to wear deodorant because she fears it will give her

cancer. Women don’t sweat much anyway. But putting on repulsive

live shows and claiming that she is punk-rock, when she clearly is

not, is fouler than an overflowing cesspool.

 

 

 

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