A third option

Sep 012003
Authors: Melissa Snow

“I love talking to her; she is fun, funny, sweet and smart and I have been praying for as long as I can remember for someone like this. I guess I forgot to include the word “male” in that prayer…I guess I just figured God would know that part automatically, but I guess not.”

That is what I wrote in my journal after my first date with Carla, my first love. The problem was that Carla was a lesbian and I was not. No really, I wasn’t. So why was I in love with a girl? I had always been attracted to women, but I had also always been attracted to men, and I was sure that it had to be one or the other…not both.

It took me a long time to realize what most of society still does not understand: it is not necessary to fit neatly into the compartments of “straight” or “gay.” A bisexual person often struggles in the gay community because of speculation they are actually homosexual, but do not have the courage to “come out” all the way or they are just simply not “gay enough.”

On the other hand, a bisexual person may also struggle in the heterosexual community because they are seen as confused, greedy or just as sluts. Members of the gay and straight community alike simply do not believe there is such a thing as bisexuality. However, as controversial as it may be, there is such a thing as bisexuality, and I do not mean those two girls who made out at the party on Saturday because you were watching and thought it was cool.

Almost every time I tell a male that I am bisexual, the first response is usually “cool, can I watch?” This has always baffled me, because when I meet a friend in class and he tells me he has a girlfriend the last thing I want to do is watch them have sex. What many people fail to understand is that bisexuality is not only about being attracted to members of the opposite sex as well as the same sex, but more about the openness and the ability to fall in love and establish an intimate relationship with members of both sexes.

In all actuality, bisexuality, homosexuality and heterosexuality have very little to do with the act of sex. Regardless of whether the relationship is of a sexual nature, the emotions are the same. Everyone has the potential to love, whether it is someone of the same or the opposite sex.

The problem lies in the fact that while the brain has the power to understand some pretty complex things, we have yet to fully understand the concept of love, why it happens and how it happens. If two heterosexual people of the same sex were to fall in love with each other, their worlds would most likely turn upside down, as mine did at first. And theoretically, it could happen to anyone, no matter how well you are able to see yourself as clearly defined by one category or the other.

For most of us, it is pounded into our brains from an early age to conform to certain standards of society, including being straight. If we lived in a culture where homosexuality was something that was accepted as the norm, instead of the exception, I wonder how many more people would suddenly “become” bisexual? For most of us, even the thought of being bisexual would never cross our minds, just because it isn’t something we are brought up to consider. At the start, we are all born with the natural human instinct to love and be loved. Some of us are born with the ability to love only the opposite sex, others only the same sex, and then there are those of us who simply do not take gender into account when choosing a lover. We are the ones who look at the world through our own hue, while others choose the lens that allows for the least amount of discomfort. We are the ones who do not specify a gender when we pray to God for love and companionship because we are not looking for what society says we should look for. We are not looking for what is easiest, or most comfortable; we are simply looking for love just like everyone else.

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

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