Rock ‘n Roll Sins

 Uncategorized
Aug 272003
 
Authors: Someone

Rock stars assume they can get away with anything, including murder. And the simple fact is they can. But regardless of their status, there are still cardinal sins that can send even the most prestigious icon to the bottom of the barrel. They are:

Leather pants- Wearing skin-tight leather pants is a sure sign that an artist’s career in the top 10 is numbered. No one wants to see a star’s junk through the constrictive fit of leather! It is an unnecessary display that we should all be spared from. It doesn’t matter how popular the person, or how long they have been around, if they make this nauseating fashion statement, the odds are they will soon be liked no more than a raging STD case. Look at Creed. For a while critics raved of their talent. Then singer, Scott Stapp decided to show the world that he liked sporting nasty black leather pants. Now Creed is listed in Blender Magazine’s top 50 worst bands of all time. This is hardly a coincidence. Of course there are exceptions to every rule. Obviously this being that women rock stars can certainly slip into a pair. In fact, Beyonce’s leather pants are a personal mecca of mine and I hope to one day make that pilgrimage.

Style infidelity- A musician’s style slowly evolves through time. It is expected. But pulling a 180 overnight is unheard of. Folk singer Jewell is a classic example of such a sin. In her new album she dropped her guitar and delivered digital hip-hop beats and clich/ lyrics that was not at all similar to her previous material. The record sounded about as good as Ol’ Dirty Bastard’s face looks. Where does she get off betraying her loyal audience? Imagine if Lil’ Kim actually put on her clothes and released a disc full of choir songs. The masses would not like it. Kim knows that and thus she continues to give us what we originally liked her for: magic sticks, sin and skin. Not even miss-reinvent-myself-Madonna would change as drastically as Jewell did. What a sell out!

High priced short albums- I refuse to buy any CD fewer than 30 minutes long that costs the same as a full length. The Beatles recorded two full length albums every single year for years and bands today think they can release a record every 20 months with only nine tracks and expect people to purchase a copy. Artists like that deserve to get their music pirated.

Substance free- Straight-edge musicians give rock stars a bad name. Assuming that you thought they were cool in the first place, would you still think highly of Linkin Park if you knew that their backstage is smoke free, alcohol free and guest free-family members only? I don’t think so. That is because rock stars must follow the rock star mission statement: sex, drugs and rock’n’roll. But not all performers are subject to ridicule for committing this rock’n’roll sin. No one expects sweetheart Celine Dion or Jennifer Love Hewitt to have such vices. But you would be surprised. How do you think they stay so skinny?

Other rock star sins include: high priced concert tickets, self made pyrotechnics that turn disastrous i.e. the Great White Rhode Island nightclub fire and lip sinking, but we forgive Britney.

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