Mar 262003
Authors: Andrew Whelan

ASCSU elections are like a Rabbi, a blonde and a 12-inch pianist walking into bar to screw in a light bulb: one monstrosity of a joke.

But this year, CSU’s wannabe politicians have lost control. Someone needs to let these kids know that ASCSU is just a glorified student council.

Over the past couple weeks, various sabotage attempts and acts of vandalism have been committed against ASCSU candidates’ campaigns. The destruction has gone beyond the typical tearing down of posters-although that, too, has occurred.

Incidents reportedly include the theft of brochures, torn banners and nasty messages about candidates on classroom whiteboards. But the most outlandish incident is the destruction of 60 campaign T-shirts that occurred when somebody spilled paint all over them.

So now I pose the question: Does anyone care? I don’t. In fact, I’m glad.

This is like giving the Crips and Bloods guns and watching them kill each other. Let the self-serving destroy each other or hurt each other’s feelings-or at least keep each other busy.

Right now, it looks like ASCSU wouldn’t have a clue if Professor Plum and Colonel Mustard were running for president. The perpetrators of these crimes are destroying the credibility of the same offices they are running for.

CSU is the unofficial home of apathy. I suspect that very few students give a cuff about ASCSU, except for students directly involved with the organization.

It makes for an interesting paradox. What we need are student representatives that are excited and are able to get students involved. But with these shenanigans, they’re just pushing the apathetic further into oblivion.

But ASCSU isn’t all bad.

I really miss the show Saved by the Bell, and ASCSU is performing the real-life version. The perpetrators of these crimes are acting immature, dramatic and pompous. The next thing you know, they’ll borrow the driver’s ed car and get in an accident.

Just like Zack Morris and his cronies, there are moral lessons to be learned. But Mr. Belding won’t be making everything OK. And nobody in ASCSU makes me laugh like Screech-even if they can match his geekiness.

The lesson is that a few bad apples at ASCSU are making the whole organization look stupid, and it makes me wonder how important ASCSU really is. Who else could hand the Mystery Science Theatre 3000 club $5,000 to perform a live version of the show that Comedy Central cut seven years ago? How about anyone?

Unfortunately, playing Saved by the Bell is one thing ASCSU can do to kill time. And as far as I can tell, that is what they like to do: kill time. They murder it, torture it and waste it.

Last semester, they spent hours debating what a bill is. Sounds great, but you’d think that they’d have that squared away before the semester was half over, which is when that heated debate occurred.

Now they expect the student body to care about their election. If you really listen to students then save your signs, your speeches and your destruction of each other’s campaigns. We don’t even pay attention to that garbage.

Yeah, the flowers that some candidates are handing out on the plaza are a nice touch. They say “pansies,” “peace” and “vote for me” all at once. But for all the girls who are carrying the flowers around with proud faces: we know where you got them, you’re not that cool. Bottom line: ASCSU candidates should save their money.

Take that $10,000 donation from the GOP-yes, that’s what one ASCSU presidential candidate received-and buy a hobby.

I have a special finger for the candidates who have trucks parked in campus lots with huge signs. You’re taking up a parking space, and I need one, inconsiderate bastards. Get this election done with and move your car. P.S.-You won’t get my vote.

But don’t feel too bad. I won’t be voting at all. The only way I’d vote on ASCSU is if we were considering its elimination. Oh … I’d also vote if Kelly Kapowski were running.x

 Posted by at 6:00 pm

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