Feb 272003
Authors: Reed Saunders

Lot of stuff hanging on our brains here at the big ol’ university. How could there not be, right? College is the recess before the class of the real world begins.

As the days of our recess wind down, it seems nothing hangs on the mind more than two things: Getting a date and finding a job.

Half the junk e-mails clogging our inboxes are dating offers from singles services. Half the commercials on the TV are for finding a steady source of income, be it monster.com or all those ITT-Tech ads on Channel 20.

Yeah, they’re both important and equally stressful at most times. But which is the worse dilemma: dates or jobs?

I’m so glad I asked.

Availability: Don’t be mistaken, there are plenty of both jobs and girls/boys out there for all of us. The quality of those jobs and/or potential spit-swapping partners, however, is another matter.

You can work at the burger joint just as easily as you can hook up with the bar-fly decked out in turquoise. It’s really all about finding something you enjoy beyond a grease fire or surprise case of warts.

Edge: Push.

Competition: Lot of serious people looking for jobs. I’m talking the kids who actually read all their books, passed the beer-bong in favor of the protractor, and basically looked at college as a job so they’d have all the edges come interview and resume time.

You know those kids.

Much like the Terminator and Rocky Balboa, these people are not human. They are strong pieces of personality-devoid iron that will do nothing but block your way to a decent job.

Dating, on the other hand, is more of this Earth. When was the last time you found someone attractive who took the “mating dance” seriously? No one who studies the latest edition of Cosmopolitan the night before is going home with anything breathing the night after.

Lot of laid back folks involved here who really don’t know what they’re doing (e.g. Guys who wear hats out to bars. Might as well wear a shirt saying, “I’m masturbating tonight.”). Hence, if you learn quickly, show confidence and don’t leech on to the first girl who talks to you, you’re gold.

Edge: Dating.

Benefits: Jobs give you money, a.k.a. gold, a.k.a. the lifeblood, a.k.a. what you need most for survival. While I follow the Beatles’ mantra of “All you need is love,” love ain’t gonna grow for crap if you don’t take it out to a nice dinner or buy it flowers now and then. Every great relationship has to start with a first date, and every first date usually ends with a check.

Edge: Jobs, but it’s close.

Timing: While the end of college is when you’re supposed to be looking for jobs, it’s desperation time where dating is concerned. Realizing their time is very limited in the prime mating pool of their life, many people turn up the heat only to find the thermostat really isn’t interested in anything serious. Whatever the hell that means.

Edge: Jobs.

Resources: Recent advances have provided new avenues for our endless searches for income and shared orgasms. That darn Internet has brought job sites (hotjobs.com,

Monster.com, nochanceevenwithsexualfavors.com) and an online cesspool of dating chat rooms, message boards and friendly porn ladies.

Live and direct, the job world gives us career fairs and seminars. Not only do we usually get the runaround (“Nice to meet you, your resume looks great… but we’re not hiring”), it’s also discouraging. I had a panel of columnists laugh in my face earlier this year.

Enter the bar or party scene, where there ain’t a jerkoff in sight! OK, there are a few of those around. But your chances are much better, fun is more likely, and you won’t have to present a resume until well after morning waffles.

Edge: Dating.

Pretty close when you measure it out. In the end, the search for a job or a nice person to date is a lot like searching for a parking spot at the Super Wal-Mart in the late afternoon. Sure, you can settle for the spot two miles away, but usually it’s worth a little bit of work and patience to get a better one.

Bet I’m gonna get a lot of dates with that one.

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

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