M/nage a trois? Oh lah lah

Feb 232003
Authors: Ryan Owens

Editor’s note: Ryan Owens has been known to offend some people in the past with his dialogues on sexual matters. Reader discretion is advised.

Welcome back for another look into all things sexual, with yours truly, Ryan Owens.

In the past few months, we’ve covered the history of dildos and vibrators, the lost sport of the quickie on campus, heterosexual anal encounters, lesbian cheerleaders, and last but definitely not least – how to avenge your exes on Valentine’s Day.

So what do I have in store for you this week, you ask?

Well, I received a letter from a reader asking my advice.

Recently, the subject of introducing a three-way sexual encounter into the bedroom of this reader surfaced in her life.

Chastity, as we will refer to her, expressed initial discomfort to the suggestion, but feels she should move forward with the fantasies of her boyfriend of two years.

So what’s a Christian girl to do in this situation? Let’s begin.

First off, sacrificing your emotional or sexual comfort to appease a partner’s desires is never a healthy move in a relationship. While three-ways can be a fun and sexy way to spice up a healthy relationship, they can most certainly drive an axe of separation between an already troubled couple.

Once you and your partner have established a healthy, trusting relationship, with open lines of communication, it may become more appropriate to begin discussing matters such as bringing a “guest star” onto the bedroom scene.

However, even in a healthy relationship, there are some things you should keep in mind if you are considering adding someone to the mix.


Even if you think you are completely comfortable with the idea of bringing someone new into the bedroom, you may experience emotions you didn’t anticipate.

When you first see your partner engaged sexually with another in your presence, the sense of security in your relationship can quickly abandon you.

It is also very likely you could quickly feel neglected by your partner, who might be dedicating the larger part of their attention to the guest star.


As tempting as it might seem to ask a friend to join in your sexual adventures, it’s really not a good idea. While a friend might seem easier to ask because you are more comfortable with that person, you are undoubtedly putting that person in an awkward and uncomfortable position.

While I’m not advocating sex with strangers, sometimes the bar or club environment can be a good place to find others who would like to join in on your little sexual adventures.


Establishing rules and boundaries for three-ways before they happen are essential to making sure no one gets hurt.

Talk with your partner about your feelings on kissing, acceptable touching, penetration and intercourse, safe sex methods and anything else you feel may arise.

Also, be sure to communicate boundaries with your “guest star” and make sure they are clearly understood before any action is taken.


Most often, when our culture thinks of three-ways in a typical context, it consists of two females and one male. But for many women, the notion of two men engaging her sexually at once is likely very erotic as well.

Should you and your partner decide to bring a second male onto the scene, be sure your male partner will be genuinely comfortable with the idea of another nude, aroused man in the room with him.

Although three-ways can be an adventurous and erotic way to experiment with bisexuality for everyone concerned, many men are extremely guarded about their heterosexuality. An unexpected sexual advance from another man could cause serious problems in a three-way encounter.


COMMUNICATE with your partner.

Ryan Owens is the pseudonym of the author, who is a junior Technical Communication major. His column runs every other Monday.

The author welcomes your questions, comments, Polaroids and hate mail to:


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