I am announcing to the world that I am applying to be the next President of Colorado State University.
No, really-I’m not joking.
I’ve made my opinions heard, as most of the campus has over the past couple of weeks, but I have grown tired of talk. It’s time for action. I am going to submit my resume to the Board of Governors for consideration.
The way I see it, if a “non-traditional” candidate must be considered, then I should be that candidate!
Here are my qualifications: I will receive my Bachelor of Arts degree in Journalism by May, which seems to be enough education considering at least one of the other candidates. I will also be graduating with five years of experience-leadership experience, no less-at this university.
I co-chaired a student group and have acted as an advisor for the group for the past few years now, and I have fundraising experience! You can’t be president without fundraising experience.
Now I know I haven’t headed any Eastern European banks or anything fancy like that, but I actually have some experience in higher education. I have also made substantial contacts with individuals at the university. If I have questions or need help, I will have a group of trusted individuals to help me make those difficult decisions.
I would also be willing to work for, say, $35,000 a year! That’s pretty cheap for the leader of a major institution of higher education. I would work for much cheaper, but sadly, I can’t afford that. I do need enough to maintain my one-bedroom apartment just down the street from campus. I do think it is a reasonable amount to ask.
I don’t have the backing of a political crony, which seems to help. It’s really nice when someone with way too much political power can over-step boundaries that he or she doesn’t understand to land an ol’ buddy a job. I wish I had someone like that in my life. Maybe I can put a call in to Peggy Reeves? I like her, and I know I can get her to like me, too! Does anyone have Angie Paccione’s phone number?
I also went to every CSU football game this season, even the one against UNLV. I always see President Yates at the games; attendance seems to be pretty important for a president. I was also at the men’s basketball game against New Mexico. I was even on ESPN! I did have a basketball on my head, which I hope doesn’t count against me in the hiring process, but I do have experience on national television.
I will also promise to hire more Republicans. According to our Governor, there need to be more Republicans at our educational institutions, especially in the political science department. We don’t want Democrats teaching impressionable youth to be Democrats. Of course, we could just keep importing our Republican leaders instead of raising them in Colorado. Isn’t it funny that our Governor is a political transplant?
Finally, I am exercising the power I have as a student, and making my voice be heard. I am a power-holder at this university and don’t want to see continuing unnecessary budget cuts, the loss or declination of critical programs and services for students, staff and faculty, and I really don’t want to go back to losing to CU.
Hopefully, as I submit my resume to the Board of Governors (because I really am going to do it) they will understand that there are other “non-traditional” candidates out there who know they are just as qualified to run this university as other candidates, and want that opportunity. And hopefully, as Dr. Yates has done during his tenure, our next president will put some real meaning to the words: I am proud to be a CSU Ram.