When Reed met the Rams

Sep 082002
Authors: Reed Saunders

What a weekend in Ram sports. So many events, so little column space. How does one best begin to describe all the fun? By using the greatest relationship movie of all time, of course! With that, I give you the weekend in Ram sports as explained by “When Harry Met Sally…”

“You go dancing, you do the white man’s overbite, you go back to her place, you have sex and the minute you’re finished you know what goes through your mind? How long do I have to lie here and hold her before I can get up and go home… is 30 seconds enough?”

To bandwagon football fans: the loss to UCLA is going to be a test of just how much you love football. Is this a great love affair you have with the Rams? Or was it a two-week stand? A guaranteed sell-out on Saturday is suddenly in question because we’ve lost a game. The students’ seats will be a love barometer.

“And they’re just standing there… three huge guys, one of ’em wearing a t-shirt that says, ‘Don’t f___ with Mr. Zero.”

To UCLA, who actually surprised me with how tough they played and how they came back: the media seems to be playing this off as CSU collapsed and handed UCLA the victory. Load of bunk. Both teams played tough, UCLA came out on top. Our Rams are playing on a level with the best teams in the biggest conferences. Isn’t that what it’s all about? We’ll be fine.

“Shel? Sheldon? No. No, you did not have great sex with Sheldon. Sheldon can do your income taxes. You need a root canal, Sheldon’s your man. But humpin’ and pumpin’ is not Sheldon’s strong suit.”

Apparently UCLA, like most of us, thought Cecil Sapp was a one-trick-pony. Turns out the diesel can throw almost as good as he runs. Perfect toss, Cecil… highlight of my night.

“This is much better. Fresh air, I have the streets all to myself. Who needs to be at a big crowded party, pretending to have a good time?”

To the unsung (and practically unheard of) heroes of the weekend: while most of us were glued to Pasadena or attending volleyball games, both men’s and women’s cross country teams rolled to victory at the Wyoming Open.

Nolan Martin paced the men’s golf team to 6th place at the Badger Invitational, finishing 10th individually. These teams dominate despite practically zero press coverage or student enthusiasm. You want to forget about them, but they won’t let you. Bravo.

“Emily is terrific.”

“Yeah… of course when I asked her where she was when Kennedy was shot, she said, ‘Ted Kennedy was shot?'”

To the CSU volleyball team, who showed flashes of brilliance and splashes of being the young team they are –all with an air excitement. They could have beat No. 5 Long Beach State, but didn’t (a good AND bad thing), they could have demolished lowly Wyoming, but didn’t. Either way, they’re learning. They’re playing together. Lively. Youthful. Beautiful. I’m all for it. Speaking of volleyball girls…

“There are two types of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.”

“Which am I?”

“You’re the worst kind. You’re high maintenance, but you think you’re low maintenance.”

Long Beach’s players and coaches were arrogant and cocky. They screamed from the bench while CSU served. They strutted around like they were something special (which they really weren’t) after making normal plays.

CSU, however, had three hard-hitting youngsters emerge — sophomore Dre Downs and freshmen Casey Bauer and Tess Rogers — who were as classy as they were deadly with their kills. OK, Downs jumped around a bit. But we’re still better.

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