Downtown drive-up brothels

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Mar 272002
 
Authors: keith CHRISTIANSEN

I’ve been thinking a lot about prostitution lately.

The economic brutality with which Kenneth Lay raped his corporate whores has gotten me to thinking about pimping. Why can Enron executives do things unnoticed behind their employees, yet a madam in Aspen can’t run a successful high-class prostitution ring?

I have more respect for prostitutes than I do CEO’s; at least when they screw someone for money, it’s consensual. Those sore Enron employees! Prostitution is not so different from any other business; the product is just more embarrassing to some.

Bad things associated with prostitution: violence, STD’s, drug addiction, underage hookers, nasty streetwalkers with no true face and, especially, perverts. Terrible things, for sure, but all of these problems can only be solved one way: legalization.

With the legalization of prostitution, regular checks for drug addiction and STD’s could be performed on every registered sex worker. Illegitimate practices would be shut down, and diseased prostitutes would be forced to stop spreading illness. The danger of a non-registered prostitute having a disease would keep any semi-responsible client away. Prostitutes would gain the rights of anyone legitimately employed and could even form their own union to protect their rights.

Thus violence to prostitutes, spread of STD’s and presence of teenage hookers could be brought under control. Sightings of old nasty streetwalkers will diminish as prostitutes finally get the 401K that is so essential for the loose-minded individuals in this profession. Reporting of illegitimate prostitution would also increase as people would become less tolerant of streetwalking. Registered prostitutes would have an unconventionally decorated office located in the bordello district.

Some may wonder why we even want to protect these “women of ill-repute.” For me, it is just a compassion thing, but prostitution affects even those who don’t think prostitutes are worth saving.

I don’t doubt that many of the men who buy sex are scum. The last time I met a guy who confessed to paying for sex was on a bus to New Orleans. This guy turned out to be a nark. It is people with exactly these kinds of degenerate moral values that I’m sure frequent prostitutes. But the nark hid his despicable moral character well. People who have bought a sexually transmitted infection don’t wear a sign, well, unless it’s real bad. It seems clear to me that cleaner prostitutes will inevitably bring about an overall sexually-cleaner population.

Some arguments against this policy may be about prostitutes gaining the respectability of other professionals. But just ask a stripper, an agent of parking services or the Backstreet Boys; the legality of one’s occupation does not guarantee respect.

Personally, I don’t see why anyone would even care if someone else chooses a career in the sex industry. I just imagine the work would be monotonous and intellectually stark, plus right now it is illegal and dirty.

But the only reason it’s dirty is because it’s illegal and the only reason it’s illegal is- morality? We need to get rid of moral laws. They obviously don’t exist when finances are concerned (or at least they can’t be enforced on those rich enough); why should they when our free bodies are at stake?

As long as funding remains where it is for education, there will always be women willing to sell themselves, and as long as there are pathetic men who don’t know how to treat a lady, there will be clients. Much of the rest of the civilized world already collects tax revenue from the world’s oldest profession, isn’t it time we did too? While I don’t expect to see anytime soon a drive-through brothel like the one that just opened in Germany, it would be nice if we could clean up the industry when our generation comes into power.

Keith Christiensen takes great pride in not having to pay for sex. He also recognizes that idealism is about as valuable as a degree in philosophy.

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