Color me yellow.
Yellow and Brown, that is.
Yes, those colors better associated with certain bodily functions were very near to my heart on Thursday night as I found myself rooting for the Wyoming Cowboys.
I’m still ducking lightning bolts.
Regardless, the Pokes’ 73-66 upset of No. 7 Gonzaga in the first round of the NCAA tournament was arguably the biggest win in Mountain West Conference history. As I sensed the Cowboys’ upset hanging in the wings, I started jotting down notes and ended up with a full-fledged column.
Here, then, are the events of my life on Thursday as documented through a Travelodge Hotel pen, the back of a Chinese restaurant menu and three White Russians (drinks, not companions).
6:00 p.m.: Wow, Wyo’s actually hanging in this thing. The Cowboys just substituted Ronell Mingo into their lineup, prompting me to repeat the phrase: “Maybe the Mingo ate your baby!” at least five or seven times.
6:15 p.m.: Lots of weird names going on in this game (see: Mingo). I’m thinking back to Dave Letterman introducing Oprah to Uma at the Oscars a few years back and envisioning a similar scenario here in Albuquerque: “Uche, this is Dickau. Dickau, Uche.”
6:20 p.m.: Serious moral dilemmas going on here. On one hand, we have a good upset in progress (gotta root for the underdog) and it would be a tremendous win for the Mountain West, which would be great for CSU. On the other hand, we have everything a CSU fan is taught to cheer against – Wyoming. Dilemmas.
6:30 p.m.: I’m equally excited and sickened from Wyoming playing so well. These idiots are neck and neck with Gon-frickin-zaga, the No. 7 team in the nation, and you’re telling me they took overtime to beat Air Force? This is how they could have (and SHOULD have) played all season. Idiots.
6:31 p.m.: Gon-frickin-zaga. Had to say that one more time.
6:35 p.m.: Commercial. Just flipped to VH-1 and Faith Evans’ boobs are about to fall out of her blouse. Despite objections from the room, I flip back to hoops.
6:45 p.m.: Make myself another White Russian. The stuff’s like alcoholic chocolate milk. Bravo, Pinkos. I haven’t seen this much Russian productivity since that coal shortage in the early ’80s.
7 p.m.: In other basketball action, No. 1 Kansas trails Holy Cross 37-35. Guess Abraham and Moses have D’d up pretty hard on Kansas forward Drew Gooden. Maybe all that “The Lord’s on our side” talk wasn’t bull jive after all.
7:15 p.m.: Quick stop on MTV just in time to see the Osbournes’ dog drop anchor on the Afghan. Yahtzee.
7:35 p.m.: Oh my God, Wyo’s gonna win. I can’t even tell you how crazy this is. I’m actually chanting “W-Y-O!” May the Lord and Jeff Hathaway have mercy on my soul.
7:40 p.m.: More dilemmas: I’m really diggin the music in that Shaq Burger King commercial, but I can’t stand Whoppers. Huh.
7:45 p.m.: Kansas looks like they’re gonna hang on, but they still lose points with me because guard Kirk Hinrich looks way too much like Frodo Baggins from “Lord of the Rings.”
7:46 p.m.: The announcers are calling the Pokes’ triumph, “The biggest upset of the Tournament so far” and they’re right. Wyoming forward Josh Davis could have been All-American if he had played all season like he did tonight. Idiot.
It’s Sunday now and I’m back to wearing green and gold. Wyoming lost yesterday to Arizona, and I can’t say I’m crushed. Now I’m off to a better bandwagon. And isn’t that what March Madness is all about? Well, that and Russian coal production, of course.