‘BASEketball’ Ram style

Feb 242002

Thoughts on the Ram sporting world, according to and better-explained by quotes from the most underrated sports movie of recent years, “BASEketball:”

“That guy’s huge! You want me to psyche him out?”

“Yeah dude, he’ll never expect it coming from you!”

To much-maligned CSU point guard Jasai Ferrucho, who made the play of the game with a huge steal and lay-up to beat Wyoming on Saturday. Ferrucho has endured her share of complaints about inconsistent play – especially on defense – from media members and even her own coach. Here’s hoping that steal silenced those critics.

“What seems to be the problem with you, guy?”

“I’m… I’m going to die.”

“Well, we’re all gonna die.”

“Yeah, but not this week!”

To the double-edged sword that is the recently released 2002 CSU football schedule. On one hand, I’m glad the Rams won’t be taking on Middle Guadalupan Tech in favor of upper-tier non-conference opponents like Virginia and UCLA. It is, however, a sad truth that an 0-4 start is frighteningly possible. Throw in a couple of injuries and another QB controversy (“Holland, party of one, your table is ready.”), we’re staring Rebuilding Year No. 2 right in the face.

“All right, look, maybe I was wrong. From now on, we’re full partners. I’m talking prime equity stock options, comprehensive health care, full dental, traveling HMO and the first 25 weeks of psychiatric care free of charge – the way it should be!”

To the MWC champion men’s indoor track team. While track doesn’t hog much of the spotlight among CSU sports, it is more than deserving.

“Dude, that’s so !@#$%^& weak. How am I supposed to get a chick in that?”

“Oh, don’t worry dude, you couldn’t get a chick if you had a $100 bill hanging out of your zipper.”

Our poor men’s basketball team cannot buy a win. So much so, I’m suggesting we try to literally BUY one. Are the dudes from the Olympic committee holding bribe seminars? Could we institute a student fee for this cause? EVERYONE has a price.

Speaking of outlandish tactics, why stop at bribes? The season is done, let’s go nuts! How about random oil slicks on the court? How about giving our guys one of them James Bond rocket packs? We’re at the last resort here, people. Not much left to lose.

“Dude, we’re never gonna get a chick like Britney Kaiser, are we? Or any other chick?”

“Yeah, but it’s only ’cause we have no jobs, and our rent check’s overdue, and our gas is about to get shut off…”

Here’s hoping head coach Dale Layer and the crew can keep up the steady flow of strong freshmen recruits. Matt Nelson, Freddy Robinson and Matt Williams have been significant contributors this year. It’d be a shame if recruits looked solely at the Rams’ record because Layer and his staff are building something. There IS a light at the end of this tunnel.

“Now, you kids with your loud music and your Dan Fogelberg, your Zima, hula-hoops and your Pac-Man video games… People these days have attention spans that can only be measured in nano-seconds!”

Ah, now I understand that lack of attendance. It’s that damn Dan Fogelberg.

 Posted by at 5:00 pm

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